Spreading warmth
I have always taken pride in the fact that I always go out of my way to please others. It’s always seemed like a good thing in my opinion. I’m always the shoulder to cry on or the one playing shrink. I’m always the first to share if I have the means to and I enjoy doing so. If you need me and I care about you in any way, shape or form, you can bet that I’ll be there in a heart beat.
But I never find the same thing in return. It seems that in this day and age, people like me are few and far between. I’m not trying to be conceited in any way. There’s not a Hell of a lot that I like about myself, but I know that aside from being too sarcastic and finding humor in some quite inappropriate areas of discussion, I am a damn good person and an even better friend.
If I grow to care about you (like I said earlier), I will be there for you no matter what. If I tell you I’ll be there, I mean it. I am utterly baffled and disgusted by the way people treat each other these days. It seems like the main goal in everyone’s agenda is to lull people into a false sense of security, make them feel like they care and that they’d have their back if need be and then rip the carpet out from under them just when they start to relax. It might take weeks, it might take months and it might take years, but it is so increasingly difficult to find people who are real. I know that sounds so cliche and overrated but, is it really so hard to just find genuinely GOOD people?
No one should ever have to worry if their best friend would even dream about sleeping with someone who once meant everything to them, even if they ‘give them permission’ or if they hate each other’s guts. No one should back stab someone they have the audacity to call their ‘best friend’. People are so judgmental and have no regard for anyone’s feelings or needs. No matter how weird or awkward or shy someone is, that is who they are and unless they’re just being a straight up bitch to you for no reason at all, back off.
I wound up leaving high school to do online school. Why? Everyone was a dick. Thinking about it today even, there is one girl who comes to mind every single time I think about being mortified, angry and confused. I’m not going to say any names because despite the fact that she’s blocked from my facebook and that I would rather rip out my own ribs one by one before I let her see my tumblr, I don’t want to put her shit on blast (because unlike her, I have courtesy, respect and couth even for those who have treated me like shit every chance they get). Now, this wasn’t just a short feud in high school; No, this crap dates back to when I we were in girl scouts together in Kindergarten. KINDERGARTEN. How can someone even hate someone else at that point? I was never anything but nice to her, along with a few other girls who were good friends of mine in the group. She. Hated. Me. She was nothing but rude and horrible to each and every one of us every chance she got. Throughout middle school, she stole mine and my friends IN USE basketballs in P.E., tattled on us and just generally dicked us around. High school comes and she needs something for her period because she was unprepared. I offer her one and she gives me attitude. What I SHOULD have done was said, “FINE, THEN FUCKING BLEED OUT, BITCH.” But I’m never ‘that girl’. I’m never the one to just tell these assholes to push off and stick their attitude where the Sun don’t shine. Nope, I smiled, acted like she didn’t say a word and helped her out even then. She got pregnant and had a baby and still acts like a fucking cunt to everyone who isn’t rich and snobby.
Now, she is quite possibly graduating the same day as me and I haven’t seen her in person or otherwise in about two years. I left school because of people like her. I don’t understand it. Just because someone (me) was different, because I was as friendly as I could be whenever I could be, because I wore black, because I wasn’t popular and couldn’t afford name brand clothing, and because I didn’t want to stoop to her level and absolutely bitch her out to no return, I got walked all over and ganged up on.
She doesn’t know half the shit going on in my life and I don’t know hers. Even when I took the initiative and tried to squash the beef with her (even though I never had a problem with her, she simply hated my guts), she couldn’t even have the decency to tell me to ‘fuck off’.
My point is, there are tons of people out there who would love to see you fall. People who love to tear you down because you’re different or ‘weird’ or anything else negative that they can find about you to make themselves feel better. It’s easy for me to say this about all of you because you’re all beautiful people. Just having a Tumblr helps me know that because it’s about having a heart and having emotions. It’s about expressing yourself and making yourself feel good with inspirational quotes, beautiful pictures and funny .gifs. It’s about asking people questions and writing to your heart’s content. If tumblr is anything, it is truly who we are as people. Because here, there is no hate; only understanding. We are all here for one reason: because we seek to be understood. We seek belonging. We seek encouragement and wonder.
I’m going to conclude this piece with a note: If any of you ever, ever need anyone, I will offer that. I know that being the person to offer advice and support, it gets tough. I don’t have anyone like me to go to and it makes it really hard. But that’s why I write. I write because I’m the only one who gets me and it feels like it’s going to be that way forever. Don’t ever give up on yourself when things feel hopeless. It’s not over. And believe it or not, someone, somewhere, someday is going to appreciate you and love you; every bit of you, forever, no matter what anyone else says.
So take it from someone who’s been talked down to by the majority of people in her life. Take it from someone who hasn’t had a ‘best friend’ since 7th grade. Take it from someone who isn’t a size 0 model with a perfect life. Take it from someone who is so flawed it’s almost funny.
When it feels like the world is crashing down, just know that you have someone. You’re never alone. I maybe know 3 or 4 of the people on my Tumblr, but I do know that I can help if it is needed and will do anything in my power to make anyone in need realize that things will be alright.
Now goodnight, loves. Everything will look better in the morning.
look at the size of those feet…. you know he was hung.
Taken too soon. ily<3
(Source: oldowl)
Base By: Jahrenesis